“Are you gonna ask her out?”
What if she says no? “Well … not right now. Please don’t say anything.” I could turn this kid into a messy splatter in two seconds, and here I was begging him not to tell his sister that I liked her. I hadn’t known playing normal would be so embarrassing.
Writing about Alex’s new double life is a ton of fun.
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“Find another table, Alex. This one is full,” another of them said.
I looked down the end I was sitting on. “If you guys scooted down a little that way, there’s plenty of room.”
They stared at me. “Seriously, what the fuck?”
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“Who the fuck are you?” The biggest guy asked, sitting across and a little to the right of me.
“My name is Alex, nice to meet you.” I reached my hand across the table.
The jock stared at my hand, then up at me. “Who told you you could sit there?”
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On the third day I stood in the lunch room again staring out at all the tables and all the little groups chatting away, laughing with each other and I thought, fuck it. Why am I standing here like some unpopular loser? I fucking saved the world three times and faced down the devil. I was going to sit where ever the fuck I wanted to. I deliberately picked the table full of football players. Maybe I was just looking for trouble.
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I’m fucking terrified of my father, but that doesn’t mean I listen to him. I still run away. I’ve done it so many times I’ve lost count. Satan brings me back every time, though I’ve found ways to keep away for longer. Like cemeteries. If I hide in a cemetery it’s much harder for him to find me since it’s a place that stands between worlds.
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Mew-Mew closed his eyes, and I felt his life slip away. He was too young, and I loved him too much and I wasn’t going to let some asshole in an SUV take him away from me. So I pushed his soul back into his body. I don’t know how I did it, but he started breathing again. I looked at the damage to his body and I knew he couldn’t stay like that. He asked me what was going on and I told him I wasn’t going to let him die.
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It’s the beginning of a new year, so I thought I’d share the beginning of Not My Apocalypse:
My name is Alex Holden, and I’m the Antichrist. It’s not like I had choice about it. My father is the Devil, my mom is a crazy Satanist bitch (and no I don’t mean the Anton Levey kind of Satanist, I mean the old school actual devil worshiping type). I fucking hate them both and my life would be much happier if I never saw either of those fuckers again. My step father, too. Sometimes I feel sorry for the poor bastard, since he’s really just there for good PR when I start my political career.
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I’m declaring 2012 “The Year of No Fear”. What I mean is that I won’t let fear stop me from doing something. I’m embarking on self-publishing in February, releasing my first novel into the wild, and hoping to put two more books out for a total of three in 2012. This is the year I take control of my career and push myself to take chances.
Fear almost stopped me from having one of the best writing experiences of my life. Last fall, I was toying with the idea of doing my own version of The Phantom of the Opera. I was afraid it was too ambitions, too arrogant, and would require too much research. My writing buddy helped convince me I should go for it, and I’m so glad I did. Erik’s Tale changed my life. I know it sounds dramatic but it’s true. That book showed me writing from my heart could do amazing things and while at times it was difficult and scary, I kept going, driven by love. Whenever I think about Erik’s Tale, I smile. And it almost didn’t happen because I was too afraid.
So in 2012 I’m going to remember that and make sure fear doesn’t hold me back. I’m still going to be afraid, and that’s ok. But I’m going to take a step back and examine my fear and consider the worst thing that could happen if I go ahead with it. Then I’m going to consider the worst thing that could happen if I don’t do it. I’m betting that in almost every case, not taking the chance is going to be worse. I can only succeed if I take chances, and taking chances means that I risk failure. I probably will fail. So what. Failure is the price of success. I’m going to look at my failures and say “ok, that didn’t work. Maybe this new thing will.”
I’d like you to join me in The Year of No Fear. Be bold. Take risks. Write what scares you, and share it with the world.
Looking back on 2011, here’s what I’ve done:
January: First pass edits on Through the Fire, started Erik’s Tale
March: first pass edits on Air Pirates
April/May: second pass on Through the Fire
May: Finished Erik’s Tale, started Taming the Darkness
August: Finished Taming the Darkness
September: second pass edits on Air Pirates, first pass edits on Erik’s Tale
October: Finished second draft of Erik’s Tale and sent to beta readers
November: started and finished Not My Apocalypse
December: work on final draft of Through the Fire
Total words written: 150,123
Three first drafts finished (2 novels, 1 novella)
Books put up for sale: none
“God is going to take us to where the devil is. All of us,” he added, cutting off the question I was about to ask. Then he told us where the devil was and I told him to repeat it. I hadn’t heard him wrong.
We were going to fight Satan. On the moon.
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